Author: jenzug

I’m sure there are many books on the market today for explaining this question to a preschooler, but I stumbled across an old one at my local library: Where Do Babies Come From? – written by Margaret Sheffield & illustrated by Sheila Bewley. It is beautifully illustrated with artful paintings – not at all cutesy or cartoonish as some books do.

The book explains the different “parts” that make up a boy and a girl in a straight forward yet discreet way, and doesn’t bog you down with too many technical terms or explanations. It uses language appropriate and easy to understand for a young child. For instance, the man’s testicles contain a “special liquid” that holds sperm. A woman’s body contains eggs that are located “near the womb.”

In addition to the technicalities, the book is also a good story. It feels light, and airy, and magical. Each page contains only one short paragraph – just right for holding a small child’s attention. From the point in the story when “the man [is] lying so close to the woman that his penis can fit into her vagina,” through the baby’s growth in the womb, to a loving portrait of a baby coming out of the woman’s vagina, the author is telling a story as if she is the mother and you are the curious child. It lays the ground work for you as the parent to fill in any gaps as you see necessary. And the pictures are beautiful, and provoke questions and intrigue.

My daughter was in awe as I read it to her, and when I was finished she looked through the book again, explaining back to me what was happening in all the pictures. Then? She slept with it under her pillow – the highest honor bestowed on any object.

One thing that cracked me up was when I read, “It’s impossible to tell whether a baby is a boy or a girl while it is still in the womb.” What?! That made me check the publication date: 1973! But though it’s an older book, it’s approach remains strong and true. Sheffield writes a book that is as innocent as its intended audience.

Sadly, it’s out of print. But I highly recommend tracking it down at a library or a used book store. Amazon had several used copies listed, and so did Powell’s.

As a naive first time parent, I honestly didn’t think I needed to explain these things at such an early age. Then I read this post on Christa’s blog a year ago about a lecture she attended on the importance of teaching preschoolers the basics of sexuality, and it really made sense to me. Christa writes:

The first thing that kind of “got” me was when she said that our kids should know the basics of how babies are made by age 5…that stunned me until she reminded us that by that age, they are entering school with older kids who are going to tell them all sorts of things about sex, right and wrong and she reminded us that at that age, its all about the science there is no emotion behind it for them yet…I was quickly reminded of the 7 or 8 year old boy from church that told me how babies were made when I was about 6, and boy was he wrong. I really want my kids to know the “real” scoop, from Mark and I, not some kid on the playground.

Another book we checked out from the library is, It’s Not the Stork! by Robie H. Harris. In contrast to the other, this book was published only a couple years ago, and is illustrated like a cartoon. But it contains more information than just the story of one man and one woman making a baby. This book contains other important information such as “good touch vs bad touch,” which teaches kids what to do and say if someone touches them in their private parts. It also discusses how babies are born by C-Section, and how families are made through adoption.

The only thing about It’s Not the Stork! I don’t like is it’s length and the amount of detail it includes. Okay, technically that’s two things I don’t like. For instance, I really don’t think a 5 year old needs to know what her clitoris is. I’m not saying I live with my head in the sand, but I’m much more in favor of handing out information on a need to know basis, if you know what I mean.

It’s a thorough book containing charts of labeled body parts, but there’s so much information to digest I’m not sure a 3-5 year old is going to sit still for the entire thing. This one would be much better read in various sittings, which is easy enough to do since it’s divided into many “chapters.”

When I searched my library there were dozens of books on this subject, and I’m sure if I search Amazon there would be hundreds. What I found interesting is the wide variety of information and approach. Some books were very specific about every little detail, others were more vague. Some had entire pages filled with text that I was sure I wouldn’t have the attention span to read, much less a preschooler.

I discovered the important thing is to prepare yourself by reading the books ahead of time, pick one or two that fit the personality and learning style of your child, and that contain the information you – as the parent – find important. To be honest, reading the book was mostly my way of getting over the hump. I’m sure we’ll be talking about how babies are made all the time, now, at the ZugHaus.

What about you? What children’s books about making babies, building families, and the differences between girls and boys have you found? I’d love to hear from you in the comments, or write your own blog post and link to it from here.

I just finished The Kitchen God’s Wife, by Amy Tan, for my book club. This was a great read, and rich with Chinese culture and history. The setting for most of the book is in China during the late 30’s and 40’s, as current-day Winnie tells her daughter about her life before coming to America.

It’s during this time the Chinese were defending themselves against invasion by Japan. If you are a fan of Spielberg’s Empire of the Sun as I am, the context will be familiar, as it takes place during the same time frame. I recognized many of the names, cities, and battles mentioned in that movie.

Two things struck me as I read this book, and they are related. In fact, it’s difficult to decide which affected the other – the age-old chicken/egg dilemma.

But I’ll start with the character of Winnie. She has strength of character that wasn’t necessarily modeled for her. She has a strong sense of right and wrong, despite the fact she is surrounded by relatives who cheat and connive and manipulate their way into favorable situations. She sees these people and their actions for what they are, and chooses to not be like them.

And here lies the other amazing thing, my second observation. Despite her strength of character and sense of right and wrong, she still submits to the system. Women in China during this time (and perhaps even now?) had no rights apart from either their parents or their husband, and marriages were arranged for them. Because her extended family wanted to be rid of her, they married her into a bad family.

She suffered greatly in this marriage, the details of which are the main plot of the book. Yet she remains strong and clear-headed. At times she rebels against her husband, but even that is done respectfully. I get the sense there were ways she could have left her husband, but she would have been left poor, a beggar, and with nothing. For years she sought a way to leave her marriage legally, and with her dignity intact.

With the closing of every tragic story I expected her tale to wrap up, for the story to return again to modern day San Francisco where it started. But her suffering continues, one tragedy after another. And though this is fiction, you get a sense that a life like hers was not uncommon in China – was, in fact, normal.

I’m not dismissing the poor treatment of women in China lightly, or advocating for their backward customs. Rather, I’m drawing from the story an important lesson for my own life. How often to I cry out for my rights! My right to be heard, my right to be understood, my right to be important, my right to hold a certain position or office or station! I fight my own battles to gain my own honor in the eyes of others. But to what gain!

My friend, Wendy, recently started a blog called Practical Theology for Women (to coincided with the release of her first book by the same name), and she posted this just yesterday:

I know deep down in my heart of hearts that my identity, even as a woman, is completely tied to who Jesus is and what He’s done for me. He is the vine and I am the branch. He is the head and I am part of His body. And apart from Him, I can do nothing (John 15). If I can’t look to Jesus to be completely equipped for my life’s work, I know I am sunk.

And in this post, she quotes an excerpt from this book:

If we believe that somehow it is up to us to take control of our lives and the lives of those we love, fear is inevitable, because we simply aren’t in control of anything. Many of us are quick to dismiss a link between our stress and our view of God. “I don’t hold God in low regard,” we object. “I live a Christian life and attend worship each Sunday, and I spend lots of time with other believers.” But if we suffer from chronic anxiety and fear, we are kidding ourselves. Our view of God isn’t as majestic as we think. A right view of God is the only thing that will dispel our illusion that we have to
control our lives and that everything depends on us.

In connecting all these dots, I was really struck with how little I trust Jesus to guard my reputation, to guard my heart, and to take care of me. I am a slave to my own worries, to my own attempts at protecting myself. Rather than trust in Jesus and be content with how he sees me, how he loves me, what he thinks of me, how he gently calls me to change, I puff up my chest and wag my finger around, defending who I am and what I do to others.

Romans 6:20-21 says, When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! Death! How foolish I am to work so hard at protecting myself, when I will only work myself to the bone.

Verse 22 says, But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. How much more peaceful it is to trust in Jesus alone, and not worry about what I feel like I’m lacking in this world.

In The Kitchen God’s Wife, Winnie has one weak moment in which she places her need to protect her reputation above all else, and the consequences of this decision are troubling. Yes, many things she suffered were troubling, but for this one thing she feels regret. She knows she could have done a wiser, more honorable thing.

So there you have it. I don’t know if this book will have as profound an inspiration on you as it had on me, but it’s worth reading, nonetheless!