Posted in Depression, Getting Things Done on Dec 29th, 2009 1 Comment »
I hate feeling like I “survived” Christmas, but that about sums it up. Regular life typically feels overwhelming to me, particularly during the depressing rainy months. Christmas adds more errands, more spending, more pressure to perform, and more guilt when it all falls short. I know what the season is about – Joy, Peace, and [...]
Posted in Depression on Dec 21st, 2009 2 Comments »
Bleh. That’s how I feel. Bleh. Four days before Christmas and I feel Bleh. We managed to get a tree, we managed to decorate, and despite a very frustrating iTunes issue that threatens to end my marriage, I managed to gain access to a few Christmas songs. But? Bleh. If you want fun and good [...]
Posted in Depression, Everyday on Nov 24th, 2009 3 Comments »
I feel like I’m depressed again. I have that overwhelmed, I just want to stay in my pajamas, can’t handle more than what’s in front of me kinda thing going on. I wake up, put out fires, and go to bed. I feel unfocused, unproductive, and unlovely. I have a case of the Uns. But [...]
Posted in Comfort & Control, Depression on Jun 24th, 2009 6 Comments »
“…God will not ask you to follow any biblical mandate without providing the grace and ability to carry it out.” – Lou Priolo, The Heart of Anger The other day I watched a substitute mail carrier drive up to our cluster of boxes, tinker around, then drive away. When I opened the box I saw [...]
Posted in Depression, Everyday, Soundrack on Jun 17th, 2009 1 Comment »
Nobody warned me about the last two weeks of school. I think plenty of you had ample opportunity to wave your arms in the air, wild-eyed and frazzled, somehow communicating to me that I would be run ragged with year-end crap. So, THANKS for that. Also, who said I could be depressed? I didn’t order [...]
Posted in Depression, Friendship, Learning on May 12th, 2009 10 Comments »
I’d seen Bryan around, but I first noticed him when he officially introduced himself to the group at a staff meeting. He was from southern Colorado, his wife left him, and he came to Seattle trying to make sense of the last six years of his life. I took note. It wasn’t that I reveled [...]
Posted in Depression, Everyday on Jan 26th, 2009 5 Comments »
After a summer of abnormal female issues I won’t get into except to say I took one pregnancy test (negative), I finally went to my Fabulous Doctor. I explained my female issues to her, and in passing conversation also mentioned I was tired all the time. Like, dragging all day, napping in the afternoon and [...]
Posted in Depression on Dec 30th, 2008 1 Comment »
“Maybe like me, instead of hard circumstances causing you to cling deeply to Him and to meditate on your relationship with him, you allow it to divert your focus away from Him.” I’ve been meditating on this post by Wendy all week. Well, sort of. The truth is I remembered that I’d read it, and [...]
Posted in Comfort & Control, Depression on Aug 19th, 2008 2 Comments »
“Offer yourselves to sin, for instance, and it’s your last free act” (Romans 6:17ish, The Message). Recently my pastor spoke on the topic of worship. At the time I felt like I was fighting myself, feeling out of sorts about something, but not quite able to place my finger on it. I was angry about [...]
Posted in Depression, Everyday on Aug 14th, 2008 3 Comments »
For more than a week I’ve been a blithering mess of tears, a knotted fist of anger, an empty bucket of failure. During this time I drafted one or two essays describing just how far beneath the dust of the earth my worth is – the kind of stuff that prompts emails from strangers begging [...]
Posted in Comfort & Control, Depression on Aug 6th, 2008 2 Comments »
“So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well” (Philippians 1:9, The Message). I haven’t been able to shake these words all week. During a season when I feel particularly mean and selfish, Paul’s prayer is like a speck of clear blue sky on [...]
Posted in Comfort & Control, Depression, Rage Against The Pile on Jun 13th, 2008 5 Comments »
A year or more ago, I was talking with a friend about how I had taken to self medicating my visits to Funkytown with alcohol. I know that sounds bad, but hear me out. After Thomas was born, which was two months after losing Gordy to cancer, I experienced postpartum depression that was severe enough [...]
Posted in Depression on Jun 12th, 2008 2 Comments »
It occurred to me this week that I’ve been in a depressive funk lately. When I sat down and calculated just how long I’ve been saying to myself that I’m just PMSing, it turned out to be several weeks. I brought this up with Bryan yesterday over morning coffee, and we talked about how much [...]
Posted in Depression on May 2nd, 2008 No Comments »
Yes, I think the sickness got me into a rut. I think the lack of exercise messed with my head. Bryan had to work tonight, so I took the kids to the park after dinner. Normally I sit on a bench and enjoy the break I get while they run around. But tonight I played [...]
Posted in Depression on May 2nd, 2008 1 Comment »
Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve been sick forever, and have grown used to laying around and taking it easy. Maybe it’s because it’s May, and I’m tired of seeing gray skies and using flannel sheets. Maybe it’s because I’m so far behind in everything (due to being sick), that I’m feeling overwhelmed and morose. [...]
Be warned: what you see here is not my best work. It is what Anne Lamott describes in Bird By Bird as a series of “shitty first drafts.” Blogging dragged me kicking and screaming out of creative constipation by getting me to actually write. So I do that. A lot. Without worrying about every word choice or comma placement.
Want to know more? Read my full About Page.
"Sanity Hacks of a 