Author: jenzug

Iteration

I find it much too coincidental that the word ‘irritation’ so closely resembles the word ‘iteration,’ because when Bryan continually tells me that we should ‘iterate’ through our schedules and lists, I feel quite ‘irritated.’ Nevertheless, I’ve learned to love and appreciate his project management of the home even though I am much more free spirited (read:unorganized) than he is. In the end, I usually end up affirming his methods, but only after stubbornly refusing (for weeks and months) to even consider them.

Maybe it’s not for you, but this system seems to works for us.

For awhile now, I’ve been setting my alarm and getting up before the kids. Theoretically. About the earliest I can get out of bed is 6:30 – and that’s after snoozing through NPR for 30 minutes, so I usually wake up around 6. Ruthie is our early riser, and wakes up anywhere between 6:30 and 7:30. Let me tell you that mornings do not go well for anyone around here when I rise at the butt crack of dawn to have some ‘alone time’ and instead find my eldest hanging on my clothes asking me for cereal. And candy.

Last week, however, I iterated. Instead of getting up early to curl up in my chair with a book and a cup of coffee, I decided to sit at the dining room table with my laptop and a cup of coffee. I now start my morning in household management mode, planning the day, returning emails, knocking stuff off my to-do list… you get the idea.

It has changed the way mornings feel around here.

For one thing, I’m not flying by the seat of my pants all day, wishing I had remembered to do This and That and wondering at 4pm what I should make for dinner. Secondly, I’m not in Selfish Time Hording Mode when my Early Riser wakes up just as I sit down to read. That was the worst: seeing my daughter first thing in the morning and immediately wishing I had exercised better use of birth control. She’s adorable, and I didn’t like that icky feeling of not thinking she is adorable.

My kids still watch over an hour of t.v. in the morning because I am still NOT a morning person, so this is how I choose to acclimate myself to the day.

How do you start your day?

Quote

The longer it takes you to become successful, the harder it will be for somebody else to take it away from you.

– Hugh MacLeod, from this post at gapingvoide.com

—

I appreciate how this can apply to any endeavor, from losing weight, to building a writing career, to deepening relationships, to understanding my faith in God. I think many times, we give up on things too soon – especially marriage.

My little theologian

The other morning Thomas tumbled down the front steps at my friend’s house, scraping his chin, lip, and nose, and he had an impressive splash of blood across his face to initiate him officially into boyhood. Ruthie was extremely helpful during this fiasco, running back up to the front door just like I asked her to, knocking, and getting something from my friend to clean his face. She was very cooperative and concerned, which impressed me, because when she is in an obstinate mood it is just these kinds of moments I imagine will be a disaster: me comforting one bloody child while the other runs screaming into the middle of the street.

It proved my theory that Ruthie is capable of following directions.

In the car on the way home, Ruthie – who had been obsessing over her need to have candy all morning – says to me, “But MOM! Jesus says in our heart that we should have a treat because I was a great helper!”

I like that, appealing to Jesus as her intercessor. Even if her works-based theology needs a little tweaking, at least she’s getting it on some level!

Writing Day

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The rhythm of discipline is producing the fruit of patience and tenacity. I earned every word I put together today, every paragraph and thought. I spent three hours on one essay, and was not discouraged or frustrated – I was pressing in to make it beautiful. I was creating, letting the inspiration flow through me, rather than trying to squeeze it out of a wet sock.

And in my mind I have turned the corner from thinking my three hours a week is a respite from the Everyday, sipping my wine as I tinker on my laptop. These days I feel the weight and seriousness of commitment, the satisfaction and reward of hard work, the challenge of stepping beyond the shitty first draft until I get it right.

I am maturing in my identity as a writer, and I am gaining momentum in the process.

Uncovering Imagination (in the post-dora age)

When Ruthie was just two months old, Bryan and I coordinated a babysitting co-op with friends. Every other week we would go on a date and have free babysitting, and on the opposite weeks it would be our turn to babysit. Various families have been a part of this co-op in the past, but for the last two years (at least) we’ve been trading with the same family, so our kids have grown very attached to each other. No more fussing at goodbyes, no more anxiety at bedtime – every Saturday is like a slumber party now, and we are literally pushed out the door by our kids.

One of the things I have loved about their time playing together, is the way their children influence ours. My children influence other children in the ways mothers whisper about when they hear you are invited to the same party. But these kids? They encourage my children to explore their imagination.

I walked into the room one night to find Ruthie and Olivia buried under a pile of blankets, then watched them dramatically stretch out from under the pile as they ‘hatched’ like chicks coming out of an egg. This moment was the first seed planted in our eventual decision to cut ourselves off from 642 HD channels, as Olivia and her siblings don’t watch conventional t.v., but enjoy a variety of videos from the library that teach them new and interesting things. My daughter previously had no idea where baby birds came from, and suddenly she was hatching like one – learning in community.

On another occasion this summer, during a daytime play date over lunch, I walked into Olivia’s room to find them performing ‘puppet’ shows for each other. It was beautiful and silly and creative, and it made me jealous that I am not a child anymore. I am so glad we don’t have cable anymore (shut up, Bryan), because I am looking forward to more moments like these:

For all my crafty friends (and fans of Dawn)

My friend Dawn needed a camera carrying case for the new nifty camera she bought for a road trip with her sister. Being the crafty girl that she is, she set out to make herself one with fabric on hand, and asked me if I had any batting to use as padding. I did not, being that I am not crafty – in the way of sewing, anyway.

This being a typical late-night inspiration with an early departure planned for the morning, we had to improvise.

I remembered a box of stuffed animals I was donating to the Salvation Army, so I pulled out one cute tiger to sacrifice his insides for the sake of functionality. Not even an hour later, Dawn presented her new camera carrying case, most definitely redirected from her original plan, having decided to use the tiger as the case.

I never did ask her how it worked out. You reading this, Dawn?

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…and it was smote.

I have dreaded this day since that fateful conversation about canceling our cable, and it has now arrived. Funny thing is, it’s not really as big a deal as I made it to be in my head.

Our cable was reduced to basic reception on Saturday, but none of us has been the wiser. The kids watched a little PBS this morning while I got ready, then were content to have a tea party and play outside. Last night I had too much on my mind to sleep, but there was nothing good on t.v. to distract me. So I popped Steel Magnolias into the VCR and was out in twenty minutes.

As long as I can watch episodes of FX’s The Shield online, I should be just fine.

Rant

I’m a pretty apathetic person, so there’s not much politically or socially that causes a fury in me. But this morning I heard a story on our local NPR station about the State of Washington imposing a rental car tax on customers of the Flex Car. I couldn’t find that story on KUOW, but here’s an article about it from The Stranger.

Flex Car is a member-based car sharing service. Members presumably choose to not own their own car, thus removing cars from congested roadways and saving on gas, money, etc. It’s a genius service, and being a one-car family, we have looked into it for those times my schedule clashes with Bryan’s and we both need the car.

It frustrates me that people who are making good choices for the environment and traffic congestion and even for their own finances are being penalized for those good choices. Raising the Flex Car tax to nearly 20% could deter others from joining the service.

And just an fyi, the rental car tax pays for Safeco Field.

So there you have it: My rant.

Off the Deep End

I think I’ve officially spilled over the edge into Manic Organization Mode, considering I just spent an entire nap making chore charts for Ruthie. Watch out, I just might become a home schooler.

chore chart close up

Ruthie will get stickers each day she completes the chores and is generally respectful, kind, and fun, and she will learn a new Bible verse every two weeks. I’m trying to decide whether she should get an extra special treat if she fills in all (or most) of her stickers at the end of 14 days. Any suggestions on how to work that?

I made the chart using legal sized printer paper, and have a template I can just trace when I need a new one. It is simply taped to the pink card stock so I can easily switch to the new chart at the end of fourteen days.

Also, Ruthie woke up and colored next to me while I finished the chart, and now both kids are sitting with me as I write this post. All this happy togetherness is making my uterus twitch!

[p.s. – thanks to my friend, Sarah, for the Be Kind, Be Respectful, and Be Fun to Be Around goals!]

Rough Drafts and Incoherant Thoughts

I’ve been thinking a lot about the issue of habitual sin. We all have sinned, and we all will continue to sin until we are perfect in death with Christ. But we also have a responsibility to turn from our sin, to repent, and to stop doing it.

So what to make of these habitual sins we enter into? What to make of my anger and its expression? Should I be able to just decide that I’m not going to act out in rage? Where does my effort end and God’s miraculous power take over? Or do they work in tandem?

So many questions, and I cannot work out my thoughts coherently. The whole thing seems like a paradox. So for now, I have collected a bank of scripture to draw from, and I pray the Holy Spirit will bring me clarity.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness.
– Romans 8:26 (NIV)

…for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.
James 1:20 (NIV)

So what do we do? Keep on sinning so God can keep on forgiving? I should hope not! If we’ve left the country where sin is sovereign, how can we still live in our old house there? Or didn’t you realize we packed up and left there for good? That is what happened in baptism. When we went under the water, we left the old country of sin behind; when we came up out of the water, we entered into the new country of grace—a new life in a new land!
– Romans 6:1-3 (The Message)

From now on, think of it this way: Sin speaks a dead language that means nothing to you; God speaks your mother tongue, and you hang on every word. You are dead to sin and alive to God. That’s what Jesus did.
– Romans 6:11 (The Message)

Sin can’t tell you how to live. After all, you’re not living under that old tyranny any longer. You’re living in the freedom of God.
– Romans 6:14 (The Message)

All your lives you’ve let sin tell you what to do. But thank God you’ve started listening to a new master, one whose commands set you free to live openly in his freedom!
– Romans 6:18 (The Message)

I can anticipate the response that is coming: “I know that all God’s commands are spiritual, but I’m not. Isn’t this also your experience?” Yes. I’m full of myself—after all, I’ve spent a long time in sin’s prison. What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary.

But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.
-Romans 7:14-25 (The Message)

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.
Romans 8:1-2 (NIV)

Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you.
– Romans 8:5-9 (NIV)

Since the children are made of flesh and blood, it’s logical that the Savior took on flesh and blood in order to rescue them by his death. By embracing death, taking it into himself, he destroyed the Devil’s hold on death and freed all who cower through life, scared to death of death. It’s obvious, of course, that he didn’t go to all this trouble for angels. It was for people like us, children of Abraham. That’s why he had to enter into every detail of human life. Then, when he came before God as high priest to get rid of the people’s sins, he would have already experienced it all himself—all the pain, all the testing—and would be able to help where help was needed.
– Hebrews 2:14-18 (The Message)

…the knowledge of the truth that leads to godliness…
– Titus 1:1 (NIV)

At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. This is a trustworthy saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good.
– Titus 3:3-8 (NIV)

Sin is no longer a NOUN that I am identified by, but a VERB, and action I DO.
– Pastor Bill Clem, MHC

So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.

You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
– Ephesian 4:17-24