Category: Ruthie
what with the apple not falling far from the tree and all…
I remember playing HORSE with a basketball once as a kid – maybe in the third or fourth grade. A friend was over, and we were in my driveway challenging each other with our shots, trying to not be the first one who missed enough to spell out the word.
On this particular occasion I was certain my friend cheated. I don’t remember how. I’m not even certain how it’s possible to cheat playing HORSE. But whatever I perceived happened, it made me so mad I threw the basketball at her. I threw it so hard, and right at her side as she tried to get out of the way, that it knocked the wind out of her.
She went home crying.
Word got back to my parents and they gave me a stern lecture and demanded I go to her house and apologize.
I refused.
You must go and apologize.
I’m not going over there. She deserved it!
If you don’t apologize you’ll be grounded.
Fine, then. Ground me. I’m not apologizing!
I don’t remember how it all turned out, but I do know I was willing to give up anything to stand my ground. I was tenacious like that, and my mother recently told me she was not prepared for my fury. Apparently my older brother and sister were “easy” compared to me.
And now?
The proverbial payback. My own daughter has a will that could bend steel with a mere thought. A mother and daughter who both possess strong wills is typically not a great combination, but I digress. Perhaps a post for another day.
But I thought of this story when I found myself in a similar stand-off with Ruthie this week. Like me, Ruthie sets her resolve, and she sets it strong. I don’t give ultimatums, but I believe in the natural consequences of our actions – like the time we canceled a family outing because of her behavior.
She’s too young to “ground,” but when she refuses to listen or throws a fit, I give time outs and I take things away. I’ve taken away toys, privileges, and favorite clothes, but none of that seems to faze her. She hasn’t been attached to anything enough for it to matter. She just takes the hit and moves on.
Until now.
Bryan bought her this pair of shoes on Sunday after they went out to lunch. It’s her first pair of Big Girl shoes, in that she’s outgrown the toddler sizes. What you must know about my daughter to understand the impact of owning these shoes, is that she is a SHOE WHORE. At the mall? She darts away from me and I find her fondling $120 red patent leather shoes in Nordstrom’s. When a lady walks by with pretty three inch heals she’ll actually approach her and say in her sweet little voice, “I LIKE YOUR SHOES!”
These shoes that Bryan let her pick out? She sleeps in these shoes.
So the other day when she was refusing to go to bed, when she folded her arms in a huff and declared, “I’m NOT going to bed until you give me candy!” I said, “I’m sorry you feel that way. Now give me the shoes.”
Wailing. Moaning. Rending of garments.
I know I should have felt so sorry for her sad little heart, but inside I was tapping my fingers together like a villain with a plan: I discovered her kryptonite!
She’s catching on.
Daddy, can you fix my light?
You need a new light bulb?
No, the one where mama broke the switch.
Oh, that one. Yeah, we could probably fix that.
Can we fix it now?
Not today, but we can fix it later.
[pause]
Can we fix it within two years?
[hesitation]
Yeah, we could probably get it done by then.
I swear, this is exactly how the conversation went.
Ruthie: Look, Mom, I HAVE GUM?
Me: Uh, where did you get that?
Ruthie (shrugs shoulders): I don’t know.
Me: No really, where did you get that.
Ruthie: I don’t know!
Me: Ruthie, you need to tell me the truth.
Ruthie: Off the floor.
Me: OFF THE FLOOR? YOU PICKED USED GUM OFF THE FLOOR AND PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH??
Ruthie: No.
(Look of relief on my face).
Ruthie (with dramatic hand motions to illustrate): I picked the hair off it first.
This makes me wish I was a kid again.
Things that make you go Hmmmm…
Sunday on the way home from church I asked Ruthie what she learned in Sunday school. Questions like this about church or preschool are already getting answered with an adolescent “nothin” or “I don’t know,” so it typically takes a little prodding to get some answers out of her.
Finally I asked her about the paper snake she made, wondering what the story was behind the snake. The kids in her class usually come away with a craft of some kind that have to do with the story, and on this particular Sunday she came home with strips of paper linked together to make a “snake.”
She proceded to tell me the story of Adam and Eve, how they disobeyed God and ate the apple from the tree, and then they hid behind a bush and died.
“Oh really?” I asked. “Then what happened?”
“Then Jesus found them behind the bush and took them to the doctor.”
I suppressed my laughter in the front seat and forgot all about the snake. This is exactly why I push so hard to get answers from her: it’s highly entertaining.
Knowing the doctor part of the story was likely not part of my church’s theology, I tried to get back to the story.
“Can you tell me more about Jesus and what he did with Adam and Eve?”
After some more leading questions to get the story going again, she came up with a different ending. This time when I asked her what happened after Adam and Eve hid behind the bush she said, and I quote, “Jesus found them behind a bush and took them away to do a craft.”
—
Apart from the side splitting laughter, I had the opportunity to make a connection regarding her sin and disobedience and the sin and disobedience of Adam and Eve. In the second round of her story she said Adam and Eve disobeyed God and then ran away from him and were made to leave the garden. We talked about how she she sometimes runs away from me, too, when she disobeys, and how – even though I will always love her – there are consequences for being disobedient.
She really got this, and it was an electrifying moment to be a parent, to be teaching my child complicated yet important concepts in a way that she can grasp. I’m very thankful for my spiritual community, and how it teaches me volumes about being a parent who parents out of scripture.
—
As we neared home Ruthie broke the silence with a question.
“Mom? Why did God tell Adam and Even to not eat the apple?”
[cricket] [cricket] [cricket]
In all my life this question has never occurred to me. Growing up in the church this question was just never part of the story. The story was about Satan, and choices, and sin, and consequences, and hiding, and so forth. Never did I think to ask the question of why God would make that tree off limits in the first place.
Bryan once told me when he was a kid he overheard his dad telling another adult, “Yeah, that kid is smart. He asks questions I don’t know the answers to.” Ruthie is that same kid. She is scary smart.
Obviously, she takes after her father.
—
Photo credits –
Artist: Luke Temby.
From the Damien Minton Gallery.
Used with permission.
Ruthie, getting ready for a bath:
Walkabout
Today the kids and I went on our weekly Walk About Town to run errands and to generally be part of the community. I use “weekly” in a loose way, since the last time we did our Walkabout was before Thanksgiving, which was before the Pukefest, which was before the vacation, which was before the vacation recovery.
But prior to all that, we were going weekly.
We walked to the optometrist, and to the bank, and to the post office, and ended where all good Walkabouts end: the cupcake shop, where it’s always warm and inviting, and there’s always someone to chat with while sitting in the cozy leather chairs.
I’m always so proud to be my kids’ mom when on our Walkabouts. They wave and say hello to every person we pass, regardless of what that person looks like or is wearing, or is smoking or drinking (if you know what I’m talking about). Thomas does not take his greetings lightly either. You must respond to him, or he will continue waving at you and chirping “HI!” until you acknowledge his neighborly hospitality.
Today at the bank he growled like a monster at another customer waiting in line – his greatest display of affection.
Open mouth, insert foot.
My FIL lives up in the hills, and the back of his property borders a wild area. Occasionally at night you can hear coyotes just across his fence and the dogs go crazy. The other night when Bryan and I and the kids were alone in the house, all three dogs went nuts barking at the back door. Ruthie ran to let them out and I stopped her, mentioning that there might be coyotes out there.
Obviously, I was not thinking clearly when I said this to an almost five year old city girl.
Later when it was time for bed, I told Ruthie to go out to the camper and get into her jammies. She had done this countless times, this running back and forth between house and camper. But shortly after she opened the sliding glass doors leading out to the back patio, she came running back down the hall, crying hysterically that there were “Hawaii’s out there!” (I love the mis-spoken words of preschoolers)
Let’s just say getting the kids to go to sleep that night was…challenging, and I basically had to stay in the camper with them until they were both asleep.
Booster seats may be easier, but they sure don’t seem safer!
Ruthie and Kayden: Guitar Hero IV
Reason #482 to stay with the grandparents:
Despite the fact that we didn’t go to bed last night until after eleven, Ruthie was still standing at the end of our bed at 6:45 this morning, demanding that we be awake now.
“I’m sure grandpa’s awake,” said Bryan into his pillow.
So I jumped up, threw some clothes and a box of cereal at her, and held the door open while she stepped out of the camper…then jumped back into bed.
For your Tuesday morning entertainment
Out of the mouths of babes. Or not.
We were snuggling in a chair after a hard few days and Ruthie gave me a kiss. Then she came at me with her mouth open and said, “Let’s kiss like this, and get married!”
I laughed and said, “Will you show my camera your kisses?”
I expected her to turn away in a huff, because she does. not. perform.
Maybe it’s the strict toast and water diet after a day of puking, but she consented to perform! And what I got for my money was oh so much more.
And by the way? Hilarious about the “sign language.” I have NO IDEA where she got that – this was the first I’ve “heard” about it.
Princess Ruthie and her Knight In Shining Armour
Halloween 2007
When I asked Ruthie what she wanted to be for Halloween she said, and I know this will shock you, a princess. Then Thomas, who always wants whatever Ruthie gets, also said he wanted to be a princess. Obviously Bryan would not have a son wandering around the neighborhood dressed in drag, so we had to get creative. I found this great Knight’s costume in the role play isle at Target, and get this, it was only ten bucks! Not bad for a brand new costume.
And now he has something to wear around the house besides his pink purse and high heels.