Isn’t she beautiful?
I’m really struggling with this little girl right now. She is a challenge, and every day is a series of battles over things as minuscule as Please Put Your Shoes on the Shoe Rack (because apparently that’s the most unfair thing I could ask of her).
And I’m tired.
I’m tired of holding my ground, of being manipulated, of staying on my toes, of the mental challenge, of the broken record, of being late to everything because I have to spend fifteen minutes debriefing a blow-up over not having just the right dress to wear (or whatEVer).
I know not every parent is going to relate to me when I say this, but just ONCE I’d like a simple request (like, “it’s time to set the table for dinner,” for instance) to be met with, “okay mom!” But it’s not. I get drama, I get stomping, I get the The Unfairness of It All speech almost every single time.
I’m the first to admit I don’t do everything right – I lack patience and compassion, I rage, I’m controlling, I throw around a few expletives my children like to repeat in front of three-year-olds and grandmas – but I don’t let her get away with this stuff, and I think that’s why I’m so tired: I’m battle-weary.
Today I actually asked her, “Would you rather I just let you do whatever you wanted?”
“No,” she said quietly.
I thought that was a breakthru conversation, even if I did have it THREE TIMES with her today. Did I mention I lack patience? I don’t like to have the same conversation THREE TIMES in one day.
Which brings up another point, which I don’t have time to get into now. But I’m working through an essay about God’s patience toward those desert-wandering Israelites that’s cracking into some dark spaces and making me feel very tender right now, so stay tuned.