soft in the middle, hard in the head

April 2012

According to the goals I set for myself earlier this year, I should have lost 23 pounds by now. I have not lost 23 pounds.

I was not depressed about this until I saw recent photos of myself.

When I imagine how I look, I don’t see myself as this…curvy. If I catch a glimpse in a shop window or see a photo, there’s a brief moment of surprise as I reorient myself to reality. Do I really look like this?

Here’s an example of how I imagine myself to look…

January 2001

…cute little cardigan, skinny waist, sexy long neck, and petite little arms.

I know how I got here, but the thing I’m finally allowing myself to admit is that I might never go back. I’m 40, I had a couple kids, I have a desk job, I drink a lot and love to eat good food.

And let’s face it, I don’t have the against-all-odds kinda will power that people make documentaries about. Sometimes the need to wear pants is a roadblock to my day. So, while it’s technically possible for me to lose 40lbs, I guess maybe I just don’t want it bad enough.

It’s much easier to write this whiney blog post from the comfort of my wifi-enabled bedroom.

One thought on “soft in the middle, hard in the head”

  1. Ha ha, yes I think we all struggle with the question of whether we need to look as good at 40 as we did at 20 and if not, what is our threshold? Don’t give up, just take it one step at a time. You will find your balance. PS You will always look like that skinny long necked, big eyed, blond girl to me too!

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