Last week a friend of mine, who is my age with small children, was diagnosed with cancer. She had surgery yesterday to remove the tumor.
In several weeks another friend will be giving birth to a baby girl whose heart is broken, and it is still unclear what the future holds for her.
In my denial, I often let the weight of tragedy roll off my back. A friend once said that things often don’t seem real to her because she doesn’t let them be real, and I have found myself dealing with grief in this way.
But lately I’ve been letting the seriousness of these things sink in, and I’ve tried to imagine myself in similar situations. When I do this, and when I think about my friends struggling with life and death questions, I wonder what the hell am I doing arguing with my husband about the laundry?
Yeah, I know the argument isn’t really ABOUT laundry. And I know it’s not exactly healthy to compare and prioritize importance of the problems we all struggle with, because as I stated the other day, God gives us the juice to deal with our own issues. But in light of cancer and broken hearts, I’m finding myself more willing to humble myself and let go of my need to be validated by another human being.
Through prayer, scripture, and a really great therapist, I’m learning to find my validation and worth in Christ – and what’s more important, I’m learning to do this without leaving my husband in the dust. In finding myself through Christ, I’m finding it easier to love Bryan despite his own bumpy and imperfect journey.
This week I was studying about Love, because I know I do not love Bryan and Ruthie in the way God would have me. I love them selfishly, and only when they give me what I want. But 1 Corinthians 13 says…
Love is NOT…
Holder of grudges
Delighter in evil
I am shamed by how much of my love falls into the latter category. But I am thankful for this process, for all the junk being emptied from my cluttered closet. God is purging the junk that has made my mind an unordered mess, and he’s reordering my priorities.