But what I’m REALLY saying is that I just finished off the chili cheese casserole before going to bed. Which is DEFINITELY more points than a yogurt.

Check this out, girlfriend! Go ahead, click on that picture to get a GOOD LOOK at the housewife who let herself go. This is my ‘before’ picture, and sweet moses I hope there will be an ‘after.’

(And while you’re gawking, take a look at those saggy jugs! Aren’t they horrible? They’re, like, resting on my stomach! Thank God for Isabella’s fondeling, because now my boobs are so perky in their new bras that they actually breathe a sigh of relief when they are set free to relax).

But I digress.

I re-joined Weight watchers last week, which is always an eye-opening experience for me. This is the third time I’ve used the program (only the 2nd time I’ve seriously tried), and I’m always surprised by how certain food choices affect the amount of food I’m allowed to eat in one day.

For instance, I always figured low fat blueberry yogurt was a good food choice for a snack, which it is compared to, say, a bowl of cereal (my favorite), but it uses 5 points out of 24 allowed for the day so I need to make sure all my other meals can accommodate a 5 point snack. Better snack choices that use only 2 points are carrots with hummus, or string cheese – both are yummy and filling. Also, I love sandwiches, and tuna is a great option for dieting when made with light mayo. However, a tuna sandwich on whole wheat bread is 8 points, versus a tuna WRAP made with a tortilla being 5 points. One choice means all I get for lunch is a sandwich, and the other choice means I can also have a piece of fruit or some cottage cheese and still come out at only 6 or 7 points.

All this is to say I’m currently struggling with my DESIRE to lose weight as it conflicts with my WILL to let go of favorite things. The other morning I had an omelet made with cheese, Canadian bacon, and egg whites, which is a great, filling breakfast for low points. But I also wanted an English muffin, which is only 2 points so that’s not so bad. The clincher is I LOVE real butter, and even a small amount of butter adds up to more points than the English muffin itself.

I need to keep reminding myself that Weight Watchers is a good exercise in discipline and perseverance. My eyes have really been opened to how much Bored Eating I do, and how easily I give in to my urges. When I’m hungry, the first thing I reach for is something comforting like cereal or nachos. And I graze. Oh, the undisciplined, gluttonous, grazing. When I eat balanced, filling meals, I’m not even hungry throughout the day. It’s only when I make stupid, points-eating choices like fattening salad dressing, or buttered toast, that I’m left feeling unsatisfied.

As discouraging as this first week has been regarding my over-eating, I’m chalking it up to a first draft which will continue to be edited as time goes on.