Author: jenzug

If one is going to spend three hours in an emergency room, then this is how it should be done.

IMAGE_026The waiting room was packed at seven in the evening, but not to worry: when you tell the triage nurse you have a two year old experiencing shortness of breath you get bumped to the head of the line. Quickly. They sent someone out within ten minutes to look at Thomas in the waiting room, and when she saw his chest retracting (pulling in tight at every breath so his ribs popped out) she said, ‘Yup, I need to see him. Bring him back.’

He was an amazing little guy, letting the nurse put a ‘sticker’ on his toe to read his oxygen level, sitting quietly as she checked his heart rate, and not even flinching when he had his temperature read rectally. He sat patiently in his stroller while I held a wand in his face that blew Albuterol up his nose – three rounds of it – and then tolerated a large plastic mask when the nurse finally found one. The nurse warned me ahead of time that kids don’t like nebulizer treatments, and that he’ll probably fuss with all that steam in his face. But no. He sat there sucking his thumb. Who DOES this? I know adults who aren’t that compliant.

Ruthie was a big girl. She was in charge of the Spiderman bag and charming all the staff. In her cuteness she managed to score stickers, graham crackers, teddy bears, paper and crayons, and special trips to help the nurses get supplies. She never once darted out the door or pushed big red buttons or pulled on emergency cords. She danced, she colored, she sang songs, she twirled, she said hello to sick and injured people as they were wheeled past our room… she was the poster child for Pleasantness.

Honestly, and I know this may sound crazy, but I think I may have had more fun in the emergency room than if we’d been at home all alone.

As usual, photos.

Wow, I feel like a writer!

Today at the wine bar, where I spend my weekly time writing, I began collecting essays together that I felt would be relevant to a larger project. It is something I’ve wanted to do, but felt it was a chicken-egg dilemma: do I figure out where this train is going before I let the people on? or do I just start pulling stuff together and see what happens?

I finally just did it. I unstuck myself from the fear of the unknown and I began pulling shit together into one place. And do you know what happened? I began to see a pattern of themes emerging from those essays, which led me to jot down six possible section titles.

Ta Da! The beginning of a book.

[this is me patting myself on the back.]

Slow and Steady Wins the Race… right?

I was encouraged to discover that while on vacation I still managed to lose five pounds. Or so. I fluctuate a lot depending on what time of the month it is, or what time of day I weigh myself, so it’s hard to remember. Also, I just realized it’s taken me almost a year to lose ten pounds. Or fifteen, depending on whether you count the five pound fluctuation several months ago. Or was that water weight? Anyhow, I guess I’m fine with slow and steady because I’m actually developing healthier eating habits that aren’t just part of a fad diet. I’ve discovered healthy things that I enjoy eating so that when I occasionally splurge (on alcohol, and maybe not so occasionally), the impact isn’t very damaging.

One fourth of my goal has been accomplished! Soooo…. if I continue at this rate I’ll make my goal weight in… three years? Not what I was hoping for, but as They say, slow and steady….

Finding Beauty in the Breakdown.

Our trip to the San Jose area couldn’t have come at a better time. I’ve spent the last couple months reorganizing and reprioritizing my focus as a mother and household manager, trying to correct the part of my brain that sometimes finds it easier to focus on the latter and see the former as a distraction. I want to be present with my children. I want to enjoy them. My goal in spending ten days apart from the household duties of cleaning, laundry, and other such necessities was to develop good habits in spending time with my children.

I believe I did well in accomplishing what I set out to do. We played hide and seek. The tickle monster attacked. We went to parks and visited attractions. We left the hotel every day. We talked. And we didn’t watch t.v. Even in the midst of being away from the comforts of home, I only used the morning PBS programs to occupy Ruthie while I showered. We kept busy, and I remained focused on them until they were sleeping.

For me the pinnacle came on Monday when we visited Santa Cruz, about an hour from our hotel. We were nearly alone on a wide open beach, running around and digging in the sand with nothing but our fingers and some empty coffee cups. I stretched myself, and offered Ruthie some freedom from my control, and I watched her revel in a world with few boundaries. The beach was so empty, so expansive, and the ocean before us was so never-ending, that my need to control every situation, every moment, every move seemed insignificant. I realized how rigid I had become, how inflexible. But that morning I was able to let my children run, and I practiced trusting them, and I patiently corrected them when they wandered too far, and I became their biggest fan once again.

It was the silence, and the time, and the space provided by this trip that allowed me to grow as a parent in this way – to remember that my job is much more than just keeping them fed and clothed, but to also disciple and teach and model, and to sometimes play with them. I developed a taste for getting out, for exploring, for inspiring my children and giving them opportunities to run and jump and play – not that it couldn’t have happened in the absence of a vacation, amidst the everyday life I live, but it seems a trip to San Jose is how God chose to get through to me.

As we left the beach in Santa Cruz my kids immediately crashed into a coma, and I listened to the Garden State soundtrack. I love it for its mix. Many soundtracks have a schizophrenic feel to it, accommodating for love scenes and fight scenes and war scenes all within the same album. But the Garden State soundtrack has a vibe, and it’s a good vibe for a quiet ride home from the beach. When the song, Let Go, by Frou Frou began playing I immediately knew it was the soundtrack for the day at least, and maybe even for my overall struggle through anger and control.

You’ll know why when you hear it.

So, the video you are about to see is more than just a video scrapbook of a fun day. I had a vision for this project the moment I heard the song. It is a stone for me to carry, like the ones Much Afraid carried. It is a rock cairn to remember the path I have taken to get where I am now. It is an alter built to God, in praise of who he is, like the ones built by my spiritual forefathers in the desert.

I’m proud of this one. I hope you like it.

Movie Review: Pan’s Labyrinth

Bryan and I saw this movie a few weeks ago when it opened. I’m not a big fan of the fantasy genre, I must admit, so I went reluctantly after securing promises that I would get to pick the next movie we saw. For this reason I walked in without much expectation of enjoying it, but I surprised myself: I liked it.

The film contains your basic elements of a good drama: the hero, the bad guy, the oppressed people, and the revolutionists. In this case, one of the heroes is a young girl named Ofelia, and the bad guy is her step father, Capitan Vidal, who is head of a remote outpost in Spain. Ofelia’s mother is widowed, and comes across as a weak woman, though it may only seem that way because she is late in her pregnancy and experiencing complications. But it is implied that she has married this man because she needs to be taken care of.

In contrast, Ofelia is strong and brave. There is a particular scene I loved, one involving a giant frog and large creepy-crawling bugs. I flinched just WATCHING the scene (though my fingers), but Ofelia remained clear-headed and innovative under pressure. I was in awe of that.

We recently watched the movie, Duma, with Ruthie. It is about a boy who is also very brave and tenacious and quick-thinking. Ever since I saw Duma I have wondered, how realistic is it of me to hope my children will have such character? Is this a Hollywood expectation only? Are real children capable of such maturity under pressure? I wondered the same things as I watched Ofelia, and I hope for my own daughter to possess strength and bravery like what I saw in the characters of both of these movies.

The story also caused me to think through how I parent Ruthie, how I prepare her to think critically, and whether I am channeling her strong-willed tendencies in a positive direction or if I am simply crushing them. Throughout the movie Ofelia was faced with issues of choice and obedience: when is it right to disobey? When is it wrong? And how does one discern the difference?

Ofelia and Mercedes, who is an employee of the Capitan’s and one of the heroes of the movie, are meek as they need to be under a dictator (not weak, but meek as Christ was), but ferocious and brave when called for. And the Capitan is a bully, for sure – an exaggerated bully some might say, and one hopes that his demise is just around the corner. He is an uncomplicated character. I tend to prefer stories in which the lines between the bad and the good are blurred, because I think this is more indicative of real life. But the Capitan’s simple and exaggerated badness works within this movie, as other aspects of the movie contain blurred lines (such as the issue of choice and obedience, as mentioned earlier), creating interest and tension in other ways.

Overall I enjoyed it, even though many aspects of fantasy stories are lost on me (I went through most of the movie wondering why it was called Pan’s Labyrinth. I understood the Labyrinth part, but who was Pan supposed to be? There is no Pan in this movie! Only to finally realize that ‘Pan’ is another word for a ‘faun,’ which was a main character in Ofelia’s fantasy. Sigh.). The story is compelling, and contains tension, and portrays females as strong heroes. If you have any inkling toward fantasy, or love someone who loves fantasy, I recommend seeing it.

Surviving Restaurants

'Patience Tester'By far the greatest test on my patience during our recent trip to the San Jose area has been eating lots of meals in restaurants with the kids. Our very first dinner of the week at a fresh mex place called Chevy’s was a disaster of great proportions. Ruthie kept getting up from her seat, was grabbing things across the table, shouting, sassing, and generally being a brat. Oh, and she’s discovered that if she says she has to go potty then we jump up immediately to tend to her – so there were many false alarms that evening as well and I was getting fed up with her manipulations.

I made several trips to the bathroom with her for a private, terse rebuke of her behavior, but to no avail. She was simply not going to cooperate. I can’t remember what the final straw was, but at one point before I had even eaten half my meal, I took her from her seat, asked Bryan to have the food packed up, and marched Ruthie out to the car for a spanking, and when we got back to the hotel she got a long time out.

Eating out is not easy for kids, I admit. I usually cut her a lot of slack because it’s not easy to sit still for that long, and that particular evening we were all tired and cranky from travel. The next night we ate at the hotel which provides a full meal buffet on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, and it’s FREE. You can either eat in their cafe area or bring a tray of food back to your room. The hotel also provides a full breakfast spread every day, including scrambled eggs, sausage or ham, and oatmeal, among other things such as fruits and breads. If you have to stay in a hotel with kids, I highly recommend paying a little extra for one that provides more than just pastries and cold cereal in the morning – the extra amount you pay for the room and amenities will never come close to what you’ll spend eating in a restaurant for every meal.

Other things I did to avoid eating out a lot is to stock our kitchen with a few basic lunch and snack items, and one night we stopped at a Trader Joe’s to pick up some dinner items. The kids had a small cheese pizza, and Bryan and I had huge spinach salads and Asian marinated chicken that we thawed in the microwave. Including some snacks and other goodies, this all came to only $24, which is by far much less than we would pay in a restaurant after tax and tip.

And finally, while most chain restaurants are kid-friendly, I would definitely do your homework before committing to a meal. One night we decided to go in to downtown Palo Alto for dinner and ended up at The Cheesecake Factory. They have high chairs and booster seats, but they do not have a separate kids menu. I repeat, they DO NOT have a kids menu, but rather claim to have kid-friendly food items. Setting aside the fact that their menu is REDICULOUSLY huge with, like, fourteen pages of options, their portion sizes are also REDICULOUSLY huge. I ordered the kids a meatloaf sandwich to share, and what came to our table was a meal of such great proportions that I never would have been able to finish it myself, not to mention my inability to get my mouth around the thing.

Now THAT's a meal for kids.In contrast, we drove in to San Francisco’s Pier 39 on Sunday night after visiting the Golden Gate Bridge to find some dinner, and ended up at a surfer-themed place called The Wipe Out Bar and Grill. They caught my attention immediately by posting their kid’s menu outside their door along with the main menu. I may have paid three times the amount for a serving of Kraft macaroni and cheese than if I had purchased a box and made it myself, but the peace and tranquility I enjoyed while sipping a giant margarita and eating ‘shark bites’ for appetizers was priceless.

So all and all we survived this portion of our trip for the most part, with only a few stressful occasions. As an extra special bonus, Bryan arranged for one of his co-workers to watch the kids on Friday night so we could enjoy a nice dinner out ALONE. We ordered a bottle of French wine at a French Bistro and spent two whole hours drinking and eating and talking. Long, slow, dinners are my favorite kind of date, and my husband gets four stars for that special treat.

Golden Gate Bridge

IMG_5297On Sunday afternoon Bryan knocked off work about 2pm and we picked him up and headed straight to San Francisco to see the Golden Gate Bridge. It was a fun drive through the city and neighborhoods (I had to veer off into a neighborhood of row houses to find a bathroom!), and the bridge was breathtaking. The kids were great – especially considering that a long drive to look at a bridge is probably not all that exciting for them – and we showered Ruthie with positive reinforcement praise regarding what a fun time we had with her. After hiking around the viewing area of the bridge we navigated our way down to Pier 39 in San Francisco to wander around and find some dinner. After pushing the double stroller up and down a few steep hills we decided to reserve the bulk of our San Francisco touring for when the kids are older!

Our flickr set is here.

Role Reversal

My kids don’t share a room at home, so sharing a room on this trip has been a novelty. I’ve spent the last eight nights and the last eight naps shushing and threatening and handing out discipline to get them to go to sleep. Today it was almost an hour before they fell asleep for their naps. I love how they giggle and play, but sometimes they just don’t get how tired they actually are, and for the last two nights Ruthie has actually ASKED to go to bed she was so tired.

Tonight after the kids went to bed Bryan and I got a little goofy (No, not THAT kind of goofy) – I was teasing him and flirting, and we were laughing at the American Idol contestants. Ruthie kept sticking her head into our room saying things like, ‘You’re waking me up,’ and ‘You’re being too noisy.’ The third time she stuck her head into our room she said in a terse whisper, ‘I told you to be quiet,’ and I had to bury my face in a pillow to hide my riotous laughter.

On Growing Up

Making friends 1Today it is sunny and nearly 70 degrees, so we went to a huge park in San Jose with our friend, Larah. While there I had the opportunity to watch Ruthie pursue friends for the first time. She started out by playing around them, kind of on the sly, but they went away from her. When I came toward her to take a picture of her climbing, she totally blew me off and hovered near this group in their new location.

Making friends 2It was fascinating to watch my baby girl making such big girl bold moves, and my heart ached at the idea of her growing up. Also, she’s normally very shy around other kids at the playground near our house, so I was totally enthralled as I watched her creeping closer and closer to the group. She was motivated and determined and moved so cautiously, and I hoped they would include her.

making friends 3She continued to hover over and around them for quite awhile, until she finally sat down in the sand next to them and began to build her own pile next to theirs. At one point she placed a stick at the top of their pile as a flag, and the one girl took it off, saying, “No!” Then Ruthie began to add sand to their pile as they were doing, and they seemed to let her do this. I was really impressed that she was playing WITH them, and not antagonizing them like she often does with her friends or her brother, by knocking piles down or otherwise spoiling their fun.

At one point she tried poking holes in the side of the pile with her stick, but the other kids told her to stop, and they brushed it smooth again. Two more times she tried adding poke-a-dots, but they wouldn’t have it.

In the midst of this observation I surprised myself: instead of being irritated that she was antagonizing them, I began to consider that maybe she was just trying to be creative and decorate the sand pile, and that maybe all those other kids were just really boring in their design strategy because all they wanted to do is just sit there and look at a normal looking pile of sand. And then I swelled with pride that my brave girl approached a group of unknown kids, pursued them despite their initial brush-off, and then tried to make the world a better place by adding stick-flags and poke-a-dots.

Did I mention that vacation has been good to me?

More photos here.

The Paragon

The Chocolate MartiniLast night Larah and I went to The Paragon in downtown San Jose, a sleek lounge with clean lines and simple design. Their specialty is their extensive vodka bar, and I tried their Chocolate Martini which contained vanilla vodka and dutch chocolate creme. It was a yummy, smooth drink, but a bit sweet for my taste. For it to be my ‘gotta-have’ drink, I prefer the taste of dark espresso and bitter chocolates. We shared a bread pudding, though, and it was TO DIE FOR. It contained warm bananas and walnuts and some sort of liquor sauce.

Click here for photos.

Getting Connected

One of the things I was looking forward to while staying in the San Jose area is seeing a few friends who live here. When Bryan’s contract here began a year ago we knew that one day he would bring us with him on a trip, and the kids and I would have some fun doing The Tourist Thing while he worked. But a pleasant surprise developed – a good friend of mine from college, who had been living far away for several years, recently moved to San Jose with her husband.

So during our stay we have enjoyed the company of my friend, Larah, on many occasions. We’ve been to the Children’s Discovery Museum together and the Monterey Aquarium together, and later in the trip we plan to have some girl time as well. We’ve had a great time talking and catching up in great detail about what we’ve been doing and how life has been since we last lived together.

I also had the pleasure of having a park play date with my blogging friend, Kristin, whom I first met at BlogHer when we had lunch together with another set of Jens and Kristins. It was the first cool and cloudy day of our stay here and Kristin nearly chickened out on the park, but I convinced her that fun can happen even when the sun is hiding! Meeting at the park was perfect – it was enclosed by a fence so there was no need to chase a rogue toddler, and we were able to have nearly two hours of scathing conversation (which I shall not repeat here!). We also got to meet some of Kristin’s park friends and the children they brought with them. I was inspired by the simplicity of visiting the park every day, and will maybe not be able to do that in rainy Seattle, but building in a routine of library trips and the like is in order, I think.

Maryam and I also had some great time together (as always) shopping at the Stanford Mall and eating dinner at PF Chang’s, which has turned out to be a recurring destination for our get-togethers! Our conversation rolled effortlessly from serious to creative to funny, and I look forward to seeing her again at Northern Voice.