Have you noticed that every time a man needs to take a crap he brings some sort of leisurely reading with him? What is with that? For the longest time I actually wondered if there was something wrong with me because when I go I’m in and I’m out – no time for the newspaper.
I think a man’s bowels are built differently than a woman’s, and when men are babies, those bowels are much too powerful for their little bodies to handle. Thomas has been waking up from his naps with record breaking, monkey flinging, death defying diaper blow-outs lately – the kind that require me to strip the kid down IN HIS CRIB, then wrap up the foulness into his sheet to be laundered.
It’s getting so bad that today as I chopped green onions in the kitchen and Bryan went upstairs to get him, I smelled the odor of poop wafting down the stairs to my nose. (Mind you, that poop odor has to make a right, a left, and a hairpin turn on the landing). The other day during his nap Thomas’ poop oozed up his back, and as he played quietly in his crib he stood and backed up against every inch of every side of his crib walls.
THAT was fun to clean.
Thomas also poops in the bathtub two out of three times and I find his huge floaty logs next to the swimming Dora. And when I say huge I’m not exaggerating. Bryan saw the floating poop once and his eyes lit up and he was all, “Nice poop, Thomas! That’s man sized! Gimme some knucks!”
So if you are reading this while drinking your morning coffee, I apologize. I should have warned you.
WOW, oh holy WOW. I was not prepared for that. I was drinking fabulous esspresso but now I’m having all kinds of flashbacks of the dryheave inducing crap filled diapers I’ve had to endure with my two wee ones. Ahhhh…
I love reading your blog, you really brighten up my day and/or make me feel so much more normal! I have a Ruthie also, she’s 11 months old. She had prunes for breakfast today, really needed them, but I am so not looking forward to the diaper changes this afternoon.
Oh the Horror! I laughed so loud at this one my boss came to see what I was doing. Good thing I am still at lunch. 🙂
I think the title of the post was fair warning!
I’m so over it. Boys are so nasty.
Um…I’m a total bathroom reader…That’s how I was raised. Plus, family genetics, well, it requires much time in the bathroom to accomplish the duties required… 🙂 Plus, you can totally lock the door and read for 20 minutes and nobody will bug you!
Wow, Beth! You came out of stalker status to comment on poop! Horrah! Whatever gets you involved….
Tracy – thanks for reading! I look forward to following your blog as well.
Muriel – the last time I attempted alone time in the bathroom, Ruthie led a teatering Thomas out the front door and he nearly cracked his head open on the stairs. I guess I should have strapped them down!