Oh, the silly, wicked things that have crossed my mind.
I can’t remember when or where I read this (or maybe she was on Oprah), but I remember a story about a mom who went back to work when her children were still small because she felt it would help her appreciate her children more if she wasn’t around them all day.
My eyes rolled. My lips pursed. My head rocked back and forth.
I thought, of ALL the excuses available to this woman, she chose THIS one as the reason to abandon her children into someone else’s care? PAH-lease.
Judgment was oozing from me.
So last night when Bryan and I needed to go in separate directions I asked if he could take both of the kids home or if he wanted me to take Ruthie. He thought about the question, then said, “I didn’t really see Ruthie last night because I was gone, and I kind of feel like snuggling with her.”
In that moment I was completely jealous that he had the capacity to miss his children; that he was apart from them so much he actually looked forward to seeing them while I searched daily for ways to give myself time away from them.
Then it was like Emeril was inside my head with his enthusiastic “BAM!” and suddenly I could empathize with the woman who just wanted to be able to love her children more and was trying to make that happen as best as she could.
How prideful we can be as stay-at-home-moms, believing that we have chosen the righteous path when in our hearts lies the same seed of self-deception as all women because we are together daughters of Eve.
I realize the slippery slope I am inching toward as I entertain such blaring discontent with my life. I don’t want to be discontent – especially not with such significant choices we’ve made together as a family. Discontentment breeds bitterness, and bitterness spreads like a virus. Ruthie senses everything like a tracker in the jungle, and she will learn discontentment through her keen observation of the nuances around her. She doesn’t need the obvious – she sees the subtle.
I pray I learn to model well.