I’ve been married to this guy nine years as of last week, and I’m pretty excited about that. He’s a great dad and pastor of our home, and the hardest worker I know.
I think this year has been the best year we’ve ever had, despite job loss, start-up life, and stressful money situations, and I know it’s only going to get better.
One night a couple years ago over drinks a girlfriend asked me how a woman like me could go to Mars Hill. There was a lot of sub-context exchanged in the asking, and it wasn’t necessary for her to elaborate on the question. I knew exactly why she asked it.
She’d read in Seattle’s alternative papers about Mars Hill and its hatred of women and its bigoted misogynist pastor, and based on what she knew of me and my relationship with Bryan she couldn’t fathom how I could subject myself to such teaching.
You see, there’s a verse in the Christian Bible that always riles up the ladies, whether they are part of the church or looking in from the outside. The verse is:
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord (Ephesians 5:22).
We don’t like that ugly word, submit. It evokes anger and outrage in us because it sounds like we are not equals. The truth is we are equals. Undeniably. But different in ways that go beyond basic anatomy.
What often gets overlooked is the second half of this passage, the one that refers to husbands:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25).
In case you don’t know The Story, Christ gave himself up for the church by dying.
So Jesus doesn’t call his ladies to submit to dicks who think they’re God – or jackasses who treat women like shit – or lazy assholes who beat off to porn all day. He calls us to submit to a man who sacrifices himself to lead, teach, and provide for his family.
Benevolently.
I am married to such a man. And so, yes, I submit to him. That doesn’t mean I’m a weak, marginalized woman. It means I’m smart, because I picked a guy worth following.
Thanks for the great ride, baby.
Congratulations on 9 fantastic years. I am so glad I have seen 4 of them! YOu guys set an example that I am honored to witness and hopefully support from time to time! You ROck!
Hi! I saw your video on Youtube and followed the link to you blog. I was very moved by your video. I’ve not yet been blessed with a family, and I cannot know what God has planned for me, but to be like you is so much what I wish for. I think you are a wonderful example of a godly women, and a challenge to those with traditional and misogynistic views of stay at home mums. Thankyou. You’re advice is honest, blunt and refreshing. Your writing is so much fun! I thank God for women like you, who put the needs of their families first, and submit to God’s word by submitting to their husbands, the the manner you have described. You are also very lucky to be a part of Mars Hill church; I live in Australia (and am part of a small, but wonderful church), but listen to many of Mark Driscoll’s sermons online. Thankyou, women like you inspire me! Keep up the fantastic work!
Your sister in Christ, Liz 🙂
oh jen, i love you! well put, especially the part about beating off… 😉