Hot Yoga Nearly Killed Me Last Night. In a Good Way.

My butt needs a new zip code

This is me. And that is my ass. And my arm, and several of my chins.

I’m not really sure why I thought it was a good idea for Bryan to take a picture of me on the ferry this weekend, but clearly I was out of my mind.

I’ve gained weight since January when I started working. I haven’t gained any weight in the five years since I had Thomas, but sitting at a computer for most of the day is working against me. I guess the daily rigor of being a full time household manager was enough to maintain my weight, eh? Who knew?

I love to run. I love the endorphin rush, the discipline, the breathing, the steady rhythm, and the way it de-stressed me between the shoulder blades. However, my body is soft and my muscles are weak. Any time I try running, my body breaks down and betrays my will.

To help strengthen my muscles and learn better posture – and quite honestly to break it up a little – I thought I’d try yoga. There’s a HOT yoga studio near my house, and I went for the first time last night.

This is what I learned:

  1. It’s hot in there.
  2. Really hot.
  3. The ice water in my stainless steal water bottle was luke warm by the end of class.
  4. That’s hot.
  5. I placed my mat in what I thought was the back of the room.
  6. It turned out to be the front.
  7. The entire class got to watch me fail over and over again.
  8. Ninety percent of yoga is mental.
  9. I wanted to quit so many times, but pressed through.
  10. My mind tried to talk me into quitting.
  11. I had to quiet it with my will.
  12. I have a better idea of the way I’m supposed to stand.
  13. It is not the way I’m standing in this picture.
  14. My feet are tiny and my hips are ginormous.
  15. Basic physics will tell you I tipped over a lot.
  16. Yoga instructors really like their short shorts.
  17. I was not able to do some of the poses.
  18. I couldn’t get my fat out of the way.
  19. I didn’t let this paralyze me.
  20. One position made me fart.
  21. Actually, I farted twice.
  22. When you bend your body in half and squeeze, these things happen.
  23. One hour in I panicked.
  24. I thought I was going to suffocate.
  25. Yoga is ninety percent mental.
  26. I finished the class.
  27. I will probably go back on Wednesday.
  28. Unless I’m too sore to get out of bed.

6 thoughts on “Hot Yoga Nearly Killed Me Last Night. In a Good Way.”

  1. Sounds horrible. I’m proud of you Jen…in a “there’s no way in hell I could live through that experience” kind of way. You go girl.

  2. Congrats Jen – it is NEVER easy to get back on the work out wagon – sending you good vibes and some extra doses of will.

  3. Jen, that is too funny! Especially, the farting part, twice actually! What you did last night takes some guts. I would never do a hot yoga class it would remind me too much of wrestling practice. Great job on getting out there, is all I have to say!!

  4. Oh, yeah, been there, lived through that….barely! I don’t like heat. At all. Ever. I make entirely enough all by myself. Nevertheless, I went, I suffered, I survived. I actually did feel a little better afterwards, after the dizzyness went away and my blood pressure normalized. Something to do with feeling good about surviving an ordeal intact. Mostly.
    Thank you for making me laugh about it! I so feel your pain! Maybe I’ll try yoga again…. just not the hot kind. 🙂

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