Medium on the lid, dark on the fold, light on the brown bone.
While most midlife crises involve sports cars or diamonds or younger men, mine apparently involves eye shadow.
My whole life it felt like the entire world knew how to apply eye shadow, but I just couldn’t make it work. My eyeballs bulged out like Marty Feldman, the skin above my eyes folds down funny over my lids, and I had no deep sockets or crease to work with.
I’d go to the make-up counters at the mall for advice, but everyone there put eye shadow on me the same way they put eye shadow on everyone else.
So I pretty much gave up on eye shadow.
Then for some reason when I got my bangs cut in October, it launched me into an obsession with eye shadow. I don’t know why, but I went from the Wake Up And Put My Hair Into a Ponytail Girl, to the Wash, Blow Dry, Style, Get Dressed Beyond Yoga Pants, & Wear a Full Face of Makeup Girl.
The trouble is, I still haven’t figured out how to wear eye shadow, and it’s because of that damn fold of skin and my bulging eyes.
So last night I went down the internet rabbit hole of makeup tutorials and came across all this. Four hours later at 12:30 in the morning, I was more confused than when I started.
- I have “protruding eyes” (the politically correct term for bulgy eyes), which suggests dark on the lids and light on the crease.
- I also have “hooded eyes” (that damn fold of skin), which suggests medium on the lid, dark on the fold, and light on the brow bone.
- I also have slightly downturned eyes, which suggests dark on the outer corner at an upward angle.
I did my makeup after midnight last night because 1) I’m on vacation, and 2) If I didn’t try *something* after reading all that research I might never have fallen asleep.
Today I’m wearing enough eye shadow to paint the town.
Somebody… please save me from myself!