Last week I turned a corner; I flipped a bit; did a one-eighty – whatever your preferred analogy is for experiencing a rude awakening. I continue to feel the peace of God in the midst of total awareness of my depravity. Rather than feeling overwhelmed and depressed by the guilt of my sin, I am feeling motivated by the conviction of my sin.
God bless step five.
In an unexpected way, God has given me a super duper dose of empathy for my children. He has shown me clearly how small my words can make them feel, and how devastating my controlling attitude is to them. This week I have felt a tremendous amount of patience for my children – especially Ruthie. The small things that normally send me over the edge I now have compassion for. Things like, Ruthie waking me up at two in the morning by crawling into bed.
It started last week when I didn’t turn on my laptop until the kids went down for a nap. The morning was so peaceful and focused that I continued to follow that routine all week. Sometimes I needed to open my Outlook for a glance at my calendar, but I would make a point of shutting it down after I had a grasp on the day.
Having this time on Tuesday afternoon to write has really put me at peace with the rest of the week. I no longer hover over my laptop the very moment Ruthie finds herself engaged in something besides me. I just leave it alone until the kids are in bed, and even sometimes until Tuesday afternoon.
And in seemingly unrelated news, I have completely dived in to a weekly routine. Yesterday while the kids napped I came up with a weekly schedule of Getting Things Done, and I couldn’t be happier. It’s like the sun came up after 40 days of rain – I feel revived, refreshed, and motivated by the order around me.
I am on a mission to spend my days working and my nights relaxing. I am feeling tuned in to my children rather than distracted by them, and I find that I bust my ass to Get Things Done when I ignore my computer. This makes for less frequent posting, but for hopefully a more peaceful home.
What I love most about my new routine is that it doesn’t account for every minute of my day. It basically covers laundry and cleaning the house so I still have time for play dates and spontaneous trips to the park. I don’t feel suffocated. It’s perfect.