I appreciate the comments and emails I have received regarding this post about a stressful situation that is happening offline, and I definitely appreciate your prayers. It has been a difficult couple of months, and most of the writing I have done on the issue has remained on my own hard drive simply because it is not my intent to use this web site as a means of gossip or complaining or ranting about anything or anyone other than myself.
Last week when Anne Lamott was in town I heard her speak on KUOW (thanks for the call on that one, Julie!), and she talked about the issue of her privacy. She said that she doesn’t write about the private things in her life, but only those things that she feels are universal, and to those she adds her own unique perspective.
I thought that was a great point – and in a sense I’m already practicing those boundaries. When I write about my difficulties as a mother, I try to make it about me and my own weaknesses. When I write about Bryan and the ten different ways he makes me want to activate my life insurance, I try to inject my own faults into the story.
I think this is one of the most specific benefits I find in writing an open journal online – it keeps me honest. If I want to complain about Bryan, I have to think really hard about how I am portraying myself – especially since I have a tendency to go into Victim mode – and I have to think really hard about whether I am still respecting him, even though I may be frustrated with him at the time.
So as I wrestled back and forth for weeks as to whether I would bring any of the Offline Issues That Shall Not Be Named up here, I landed on the side of caution and chose to keep it offline. However, when I read several posts in the aftermath of the Kathy Sierra incident – especially the two posts I quoted from Maryam and Robert – I realized that dealing with Trolls and figuring out how to respond to them is a fairly universal problem.
This prompted me to break my silence online and attempt to add my perspective to the conversation. I hope it was clear that I was writing to process through my own anger as it dangerously approaches bitterness; and I hope it was clear that I was not feeling very rational about my situation at the time of writing, and that I was fine with being in that place as long as I did not remain there; and I hope it was clear that bitterness is definitely NOT where I want to end up.
I also want emphasis that I will not discuss the details of any of this with anyone via email, comments, or in person. That’s just not what it is about. Anything I write on the subject will be about me, as a Believer in Christ, working out my faith ‘with fear and trembling,’ as the Good Book says.
So again, I want to thank you deeply from my heart for your concerns and your comments. If you are a person who prays, you can pray specifically for my heart to not enter into bitterness, you can pray for reconciliation, and you can pray for my continuing journey out of co-dependence as I learn to let go of things that are not my issue.
Did I say that already? I’m really thankful for you, so thank you.
Okay, bye now.
2 thoughts on “For the Record”
will be praying for you… good luck and god bless
I am confused about what you must be facing, about how Offline Issues That Shall Not Be Named seem to be related to Trolls (which are by nature ONLINE). But my own confusion is tiny compared to my concern and awe at what you must be up against. You would not have to dig so deep unless you had to. The deep digging is evident in your words. So if you would like to share privately, please do, but in lieu of that please know that the feeblest of prayers are coming from me (this humble and faulty source) on your behalf.