(updated January 2009)
I am now in my fourth year of blogging. Four. That’s like, I don’t know, like being a High School Senior – all the freshman stare and think you’re cool, but you still can’t get into college parties.
I’ve spent the last few weeks printing out every essay I’ve ever written in preparation for a project, starting from the beginning. What a mess I was, both in writing style and life. I’m surprised even one of you continues to read, or that I haven’t gotten more than just a few emails begging me to medicate.
But looking at the past gives me vision for the future. I like what I’ve chosen to write about over the years – I think it resonates with others, even if our circumstances are different. I may have stumbled over the words, but my stuff has good bones – it only needs fleshing out.
In fact, I thought about making that my theme for this year, fleshing out, but then decided it sounds too Hannibal Lector if taken out of context. So I’ll settle on something less horrific: reach.
I’m not real strong in the area of consistency – I don’t have that fight, that will, that determination blockbuster movies are made of. I’ve got more of a < shrug > in me, an “eh,” or “whatever.”
Some people call it “lazy,” but I prefer to use the term “flexible.” It has a better ring to it, don’t you think?
I’m feeling the need to challenge myself more, to get off my haunches and reach for the next thing. Last year was about maintaining balance in many areas made healthy – the main one being my sanity. I think I succeeded. Or at least passed with style. At any rate, I’m tired of all that static naval gazing. I’d like to stop thinking about myself so much and move on. Move forward.
This year I want to submit articles into publications. I want to start a weekly feature on my blog to practice that hair pulling deadline experience. I want to love graciously as I’ve been loved.
It’s kind of nice going into a new year with my head high, my confidence intact, and worries of depression and self loathing packed away in the garage for the foreseeable future.
2008 was very kind to my family – we found Home in so many ways. To each of you who makes our Home and resides in our Neighborhood, thank you. We should make 2009 a year long block party, don’t you think?
As always, feel free to contact me at jenzug (at) gmail (dot) com.