Flashback to April

I had a team of contractors in my house when I found out the spot on Gordy’s lung was cancer. They were tall and loud and made my house seem small, but they liked my dog and thought my daughter was cute so we started off splendidly.

I don’t think I ever suspected the spot would be cancer. Perhaps it was denial, or maybe I didn’t let myself worry until there was something to worry about, or maybe it was denial. It seems that no matter how well you know the Capital T Truth of who God is and how he operates, one still has a tendency to believe good people will go through life relatively unscathed. Maybe that’s why Christ commands in Matt 5 for us to love our enemies, because the rain falls on both the righteous and the wicked.

You’d think after 33 years on this earth I would clue in to the weather patterns of God. It’s not like the Zoloft commercials on TV where the rain cloud follows the individual blob around while the rest of the blobs are having a great time sipping cocktails. No, in God’s weather patterns wicked people can be successful and righteous people can struggle.

This concept never really bothered me much until a family member was caught up in a hurricane. Then it kind of pissed me off. Then it kind of worried me that it pissed me off so much. Then I became less pissed and more trusting of Things I Don’t Understand. Then I began to feel a Star Wars-like force field around my thoughts because that pissed-off thing never happened again.

I remember that the most frequently asked questions I had during those first weeks were “Why?” and “What does that mean?” The first question I continually asked of God. The second was usually in response to my mom’s report on the latest CAT scan or visit to Dr. Duane. The second question usually implied — at least in my mind — secondary questions such as “What will make this go away?”

If only it were that easy.

The tall and loud contractors left my house, finally, but we never hired them even though they liked my dog and thought my daughter was cute. In fact, we decided to not hire a contractor at all, but have the work completed as smaller, more manageable task projects. It will be a labor of love requiring patience, and a lot of tolerance for Things Left Undone.

How appropriate.

Virgin Post

Being that I love to write, that I never have time to write, that I therefore never do write, and that there are many people who would like me to write, I saw the wisdom in setting up a blog.

Now, there are only a few things I know about blogs:

a) I can write something once for everyone to read — no more multiple email updates

b) you can reply to what I write and tell me I’m the wisest person you know, or that I’m completely full of bologna, or that you like cheese toast.

c) in a particularly stressful time for my family, we can all communicate in one forum without the round-robin of phone calls or technically challenged email users.

However, d) this may be the most important to note — this will be posted on the world wide web, which makes it possible for the whole wide world to know our business.

Point d) can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on who you are and what you post, so keep that in mind.

All that being said, I’m now feeling a bit gun-shy about writing in a forum. I liken it to two respectable ladies entering a public restroom at the same time, who each enters her own toilet stall, then sits in complete silence while waiting for the other to make the first tinkle. So perhaps I won’t dive in just now with all of my thoughts and musings on grief, healing, and faith. But know that as of late these thoughts are always with me, and I have missed sharing them with my pen and paper.

So this is my Big Step for the day — to commit to writing again — and I have the community of the World Wide Web to keep me accountable to that commitment. Please, go easy on me — I’m a virgin blogger.