too tired to think of a title

I just spent the entire evening doing nothing – something I long to do almost every minute of every day.

The kitchen is a mess, the laundry is unfolded, the bounty from Costco is still piled up on the table. Yet? I sat in my chair all night… doing… nothing.

And now that I’m moving this party to bed, do I feel refreshed? Relaxed? Rested?

Nope. I feel guilty, unproductive, and lazy.

What IS this crazy relationship I have with busyness, anyway? I got three hours of sleep last night, so yes – I’M A LITTLE TIRED. I fell asleep some time after 2am and my alarm went off at 5:30, so yes – I SAT IN MY CHAIR STARING AT THE WALL.

I think that’s grounds for not hauling a few laundry baskets up the stairs, don’t you? So why do I feel like such a jerk? It’s not like I stayed up until 2am on purpose – I simply couldn’t sleep.

And seriously. Laying around in my pajamas while someone else acts responsible is, like, the best fantasy I have right now. I don’t even dream of running away (anymore) – I just want a couple hours to remind myself what it’s like to have a couple hours.

My dysfunction is so fickle: I WANT! I DON’T WANT! I WANT!

Right now, though, I want sleep.

One thought on “too tired to think of a title”

  1. I hear this. I just caught myself doing my usual chicken-with-its-head-cut-off dance around the house, and decided i needed to take a minute to breath and slow down, and then i felt guilty about running around like an idiot and guilty about slowing down and ridiculous for having to tell myself to slow down. head case, i tell you!

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