Itâ€™s after 1am and I canâ€™t sleep. I have too many pictures swirling in my mind. Too many worries.
Aspartame in my diet soda. Hormones in my milk. The way my daughterâ€™s face looks when sheâ€™s crying. The last sentence of a medical update letter my friend wrote: â€œWe are nearing the beginning.â€
I feel an overwhelming desperation for time to stop.
Tomorrow someone might get cancer. Or lose her temper. Or get betrayed by someone she depends on. Or go into labor.
Trains on a track that are not slowing down.
My kids have a Thomas the Train book called, â€œStop! Train, Stop!â€ in which Thomas decides heâ€™s going to plow through the whole route without stopping once. The cows donâ€™t get to moo, the boy doesnâ€™t get to wave, and the people canâ€™t get on or off. He just whizzes by, leaving their hair to churn in his wake.
This is what keeps me awake tonight.
Knowing that I am powerless to control ________ .