It’s after 1am and I can’t sleep. I have too many pictures swirling in my mind. Too many worries.
Aspartame in my diet soda. Hormones in my milk. The way my daughter’s face looks when she’s crying. The last sentence of a medical update letter my friend wrote: “We are nearing the beginning.”
I feel an overwhelming desperation for time to stop.
Tomorrow someone might get cancer. Or lose her temper. Or get betrayed by someone she depends on. Or go into labor.
Trains on a track that are not slowing down.
My kids have a Thomas the Train book called, “Stop! Train, Stop!” in which Thomas decides he’s going to plow through the whole route without stopping once. The cows don’t get to moo, the boy doesn’t get to wave, and the people can’t get on or off. He just whizzes by, leaving their hair to churn in his wake.
This is what keeps me awake tonight.
Knowing that I am powerless to control ________ .