Going back to work opened a new arena for dealing with my… issues.
Sometimes the stress of project deadlines carries over into home life, and I get short tempered with the kids for no reason. Or I can’t turn my brain off, and the fourteenth WATCH THIS MOM sends me over the edge. Or something is not going my way at work, so I over react when one of the kids gives me resistance.
One day I caught myself thinking, “I can’t do this job anymore – it’s making me too mad.”
It reminded me of my kids blaming each other for the graffiti on my lamp shade.
In the past I’ve blamed my anger problems on all sorts of things – because my parents are divorced, because I’m PMSing, because my kids are so challenging. It’s as if I thought I DESERVED to release my rage as payback for all the crap I have to put up with.
And then I end up thinking all these stupid thoughts like, Wow, this person or this situation is really pissing me off. What’s their deal?
Pretty soon I realized the only common denominator in all these scenarios was ME.
So my perspective has changed this year whenever I get pissy and rageful. Instead of lashing out and wondering, WHAT THE HELL? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? I’m actually turning it back on myself and asking, What is it about this situation that’s ruffling my feathers so much?
Usually it boils down to an issue of me trying to control stuff I can’t control.