No spouses were harmed in the making of this post. Well, maybe just one.

No spouses were harmed in the making of this post. Well, maybe just one.

At some point during every major project I take on, I have a nervous breakdown. It comes shortly after I’ve committed, laid my reputation on the line, and pulled on my hip-waders.

Take pregnancy, for example. Around the seven month mark is probably a little too late to panic about what kind of Mommy Dearest you may turn out to be, amiright?

Last Spring as I prepped for my Ignite Seattle talk, I spent a few dark hours yelling at my husband about what an idiot I was for getting myself into this mess. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT MY STUPID BORING LIFE, I yelled in desperation.

I was a ratty looking squirrel trapped in the bottom of a well, clawing away at the dirt walls of insecurity.

Bryan managed to talk me down off the ledge within a couple hours, bumps and bruises notwithstanding, and I went on to give a killer presentation.

Well wouldn’t you know it, but my first client as a freelance whatever-I-am purchased the fully loaded Cadillac option from my list of services, launching me headlong into the deep end of the pool ocean galaxy.

Around 10:15 tonight, after forty-five minutes of research fueled by the absolute certainty I have no fucking idea what I’m doing, I started yelling.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M EVEN LOOKING FOR! Is one example of what I started yelling. There were many other things yelled, but as is the case with most panic moments, not much is remembered. I do know that Bryan yelled back at me, and we spent a few moments trying to out-panic each other (he has his own deadlines), but in the end he sent me a magic link that made everything better.

And now I am fine. I will likely go on to produce the best work I’ve ever done in my whole life for this client, but for some reason I must pass through this creative rite of passage.

Poor Bryan. Poor, poor, Bryan. You can pray for him – he married a crazy lady.

3 thoughts on “No spouses were harmed in the making of this post. Well, maybe just one.

  1. I’m praying for both of you. Not just because I love you both but you’ve also let another crazy lady move in with you 😀

  2. Jen,

    Your post came just in time! I had literally just declared “this sucks!” and closed my writing window, after 3 revisions. TJ is sitting on the other end of the couch. I had subjected him to reading my draft countless times tonight, and got grumpy about his feedback. He’s still smiling. Crazy ladies unite!

    You’re right. You’ll deliver the best work you’ve ever done. God bless Bryan and his magic links. 🙂

  3. Jen, I’m with you. I throw these elaborate costume parties and I’m totally fine until the Day Of. Then I turn into this insane screamy diva because I know that UNAVOIDABLE DISASTER and HUMAN DRAMA and UNCONTROLLABLE THINGS may happen at our party AND NO ONE WILL HAVE FUN – you know, I buy trouble before it happens. If only I got paid to be a hot mess.

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