Uck. What an ugly day yesterday was. I did pull my head out of my naval, though, and walked the kids down the street for some hot chocolate at our local coffee shop. On the way home we stopped at a grove of trees across the street from our house where they played chase and hide and seek. It reminded me of tromping through the woods at our cabin in Northern Minnesota where I loved playing in the ‘deep deep woods,’ as I called it.
We stayed in that time and space for longer than I wanted. I kept trying to edge the kids home so I could numb them with more television and go about my pouting, but they giggled and squealed and begged for ‘one more minute.’ I finally gave in and submitted to their wisdom, agreeing that fresh air and running was the better choice for the evening.
Carrie’s and Christy’s comments on yesterday’s post were encouraging in an ‘I hear ya, sista’ kind of way. I almost didn’t hit the ‘publish’ button because I thought my depressing dribble contained too much pouting. But I try to be real here, working it all out no matter how ugly. Like them, motherhood is all I ever wanted, and never much cared for building a career. I’m smart, I have an education, and I’m skilled, but I always believed that staying home with my children was the better choice for me.
I still believe that, and I have no regrets. What I need to do is start living like I believe it.
2 thoughts on “Hello Again. Can we start over?”
I hear ya sista!
I am going to take your last line and memorize it and try and make it my Mantra “…start living like I believe it”…me staying home was our plan. I scoff at the suggestions by “concerned” others that I get a job, even a part time job…that would mean putting the kids in day care, and THAT is NOT our plan. I am slowly mourning the dream of how I believed motherhood should have been. A very unrealistic idea. It is what it is, and I am on the quest to finding joy in my kids, joy in my life as it is today, in this moment in time. So again, thank you for hitting that publish button. Makes me feel so not alone.