Amped Up

I’m feeling a little crazed these days and it’s largely my own fault.

I scheduled four out of the last five days to start WAY TOO EARLY. This morning I had to leave the house with my two children by 8:30am. Yesterday a maintenance guy was at my door at 8am, and Saturday and Sunday we were out the door by 8:30 and 9:30 respectively. The next two days are the same.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?

I can take the occasional early morning, but this has been exhausting. Rushing tends to make me anxious and distracted, and I do silly things like search my purse for lip gloss while driving down the highway listening to a Pemco commercial about rewarding safe drivers, at which point the coffee mug in my cup holder tips over and dumps hot coffee into my seat which burns my ass and stains my pants.

Rushing this much every morning makes me crash all afternoon while the kids nap, because I’m way to burned out to think anymore, so I end up surfing the internet or staring at the wall or something.

And there’s just way too much to do for that to happen on a regular basis.

This afternoon I took a few minutes to sit in the rocking chair and snuggle with Thomas. I tried to relax as we locked eyes, and as he sucked his thumb his lids grew heavy and he fell asleep in my arms. It was precious. I wanted to cry.

But yet, as I sit here in my quiet house my heart is still racing and I still feel the tight-chested anxiousness I’ve been feeling all week. And my head hurts for all the information swimming around in it, which also makes me a very distracted driver.

I can’t turn it off.

So if it seems like my posts have been distracted and shallow lately, now you know why.

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