Posted in Rage Against The Pile on Nov 1st, 2006 3 Comments »
Ruthie is digressing. Or relapsing. Or rebelling. Or whatever you call it when a perfectly normal potty trained three-year-old starts pee-ing herself several times a day. Oh yeah. I’m angry. And I’m not just irritated-angry or inconvenienced-angry. I’M ANGRY. In fact I’m REALLY REALLY angry. I was already angry [...]
Posted in Getting Things Done, Rage Against The Pile on Oct 24th, 2006 2 Comments »
Last week I turned a corner; I flipped a bit; did a one-eighty – whatever your preferred analogy is for experiencing a rude awakening. I continue to feel the peace of God in the midst of total awareness of my depravity. Rather than feeling overwhelmed and depressed by the guilt of my sin, [...]
Posted in On Writing, Rage Against The Pile on Oct 17th, 2006 9 Comments »
I was hoping to be sitting at my local coffee and wine bar, sipping on a pinot and writing to my heart’s content. I have looked forward to this afternoon all week, and even now I notice that last Tuesday afternoon from the wine bar was the last time I posted.
I have decided that, [...]
Posted in Depression, Getting Things Done, Rage Against The Pile, Until Death Do Us Part (and to the Death it will be) on Oct 10th, 2006 8 Comments »
I’ve had a very. bad. week.
The Ya Ya Sisterhood movie comes to mind – the part where Sidda is young and her mom disappears for days on end, blacked out, and wakes up in a hotel room on the coast. This is how I felt yesterday. I felt like abandoning my children just to [...]
Posted in Books, Rage Against The Pile on Oct 5th, 2006 1 Comment »
“Ineffective as it is to shout, scream, and curse, it is a means of reclaiming the illusion of power in the face of feeling impotent.” (The Cry of the Soul).
When it comes to non-fiction, I’m a chronic multi-reader. I juggle between several different books, and I often take long breaks from a book before [...]
Posted in Depression, Getting Things Done, Rage Against The Pile on Oct 3rd, 2006 9 Comments »
I’m tired.
Exhausted, actually. Mentally, and physically tired.
I have seven essays drafted on writing, things that I am processing as I push through the TALKING about writing so I may actually get to the business of DOING the writing. But my brain is so mushified that all I can bring [...]
Posted in Blog Stuff, On Writing, Rage Against The Pile on Sep 21st, 2006 4 Comments »
Happy Birthday to Me
Today I am 35 years old, and that is TOTALLY okay with me. At times my body feels old and decrepit, and I’m chubbier than I want to be, but I am doing exactly what I want to be doing. I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, and a [...]
Posted in Piling It On (and taking it off), Rage Against The Pile, Things on Aug 28th, 2006 3 Comments »
I’ve been attending a yoga class at the gym once or twice a week for the last month, and today is the first time that I felt strength and confidence through the process. I’m getting the hang of it. My shoulders are feeling stronger to hold my weight, my calves are limbering up as [...]
Posted in Learning, Rage Against The Pile, Ruthie on Aug 8th, 2006 1 Comment »
Yesterday I saw my therapist and he TOTALLY validated me in my struggle with Ruthie. She is, officially, a Strong Willed Child (heretofore to be referred to as the SWC). She is the one people write books about, he says. She is the one I will often feel like giving away, he [...]
Posted in Rage Against The Pile, Ruthie on Jul 26th, 2006 3 Comments »
Well it’s been a really shitty morning, but as I’ve had part of the afternoon to myself to reflect back on what happened I feel pretty convicted that my stinky attitude was at the core of its shittiness.
It kills me that my relationship with Ruthie is so bi-polar. At one moment I am totally [...]
Posted in Bryan, Learning, Rage Against The Pile, Until Death Do Us Part (and to the Death it will be) on Jul 13th, 2006 2 Comments »
Last night I experienced the really icky feeling of getting busted in the act.
You see, I can be really honest with my friends about what I do, I can relay a story to Bryan from the day, I can even blab about my issues on the internet – but I am still in [...]
Posted in Rage Against The Pile, Ruthie on Jul 12th, 2006 3 Comments »
Ruthie made her own peanut butter and jelly sandwich today, which was really fun to watch until it all went down hill very quickly. She was very proud, and I was very encouraging, until there was half an inch of peanut butter involved and she was about to slap on half a cup of [...]
Posted in Rage Against The Pile, Ruthie on Jul 11th, 2006 3 Comments »
If this seems dumb to you as you read it, imagine how dumb I feel admitting it.
I was tired and cranky this evening. I always pack the days too full when Bryan is gone, which I did today by cramming in a bunch of afternoon errands that I should have just left alone, especially since [...]
Posted in Getting Things Done, Learning, Rage Against The Pile on Jul 10th, 2006 3 Comments »
I know I keep bringing this up, but I can’t say it enough: I’M FEELING GREAT!
As I look back on the last year of blog posts and remember this, and this, and this, and how angry and depressed and incapacitated I was, I thank God for bringing me through it.
We have come full circle, [...]
Posted in Depression, Learning, Rage Against The Pile on Jun 11th, 2006 3 Comments »
This was an interesting week: I think I’ve experienced every emotion that is humanly possible, and I think I did it all with great zeal and exaggeration.
Having transitioned from Zoloft to herbal supplements – which includes Omega 3, hydroxytriptophan, and a multi-vitamin rich in the B’s – I now have 13 pills I take throughout [...]