Posted in Depression on May 2nd, 2008 No Comments »
Yes, I think the sickness got me into a rut. I think the lack of exercise messed with my head.
Bryan had to work tonight, so I took the kids to the park after dinner. Normally I sit on a bench and enjoy the break I get while they run around. But tonight I played […]
Posted in Depression on May 2nd, 2008 1 Comment »
Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve been sick forever, and have grown used to laying around and taking it easy.
Maybe it’s because it’s May, and I’m tired of seeing gray skies and using flannel sheets.
Maybe it’s because I’m so far behind in everything (due to being sick), that I’m feeling overwhelmed and morose.
I don’t know, […]
Posted in Depression, Rage Against The Pile, Comfort & Control on Feb 20th, 2008 3 Comments »
I’ve had a really shitty couple of days. I wake up cranky, I drink too much coffee, my house is a disaster, I yell at my kids, and I’m behind on everything.
Shitty.
And I can’t say that I have any circumstances to blame this on. Yes, Bryan has been working a lot, and yes, we […]
Posted in Depression, Comfort & Control on Jul 25th, 2007 2 Comments »
They say depression is anger turned inward, which likely explains the funk I’ve been in. I thought I was coming out of it a few weeks ago, but in retrospect I see it is more circumstantial - as in, if things go the way I want them to I’m happy, and if they don’t, I’m […]
Posted in Depression on Jul 5th, 2007 3 Comments »
I managed to climb my way out of a hole of depression on Tuesday afternoon - and once I did it was as if I’d come back through the magic wardrobe to find everything as I had left it, wondering if what I had experienced was real or imagined. Bryan was a little on […]
Posted in Depression, Things on Jul 3rd, 2007 1 Comment »
I’ve been in a hole of depression the last couple weeks and haven’t been able feel much but utter contempt for myself. Today I began to see just the tiniest sliver of light in my very dark world - light that came through song, and scripture, and a trip to the beach with friends. […]
Posted in Depression on Jul 2nd, 2007 No Comments »
I tried to write a post today, but all that was coming out was yucky stuff that will really drag a person down. And on such a nice sunny day, I just couldn’t do that to The Internet. Plus, Ruthie has turned into a flakey napper, and now I am dealing with my bitter […]
Posted in Depression on Apr 27th, 2007 2 Comments »
My Recovery Group is winding down. In fact, we are heading out on a little retreat this weekend and hope to wrap up the last portion of the curriculum. It’s been a looooong two and a half years with stalls and detours, but it has been a life-changing experience. I hope to write more on […]
Posted in Books, Depression, Getting Things Done, Rage Against The Pile on Nov 10th, 2006 3 Comments »
It’s interesting to me how many areas of my life are intersecting during this season – one of the side effects of so much introspection, I suppose. I’ve been reading a book that Kristin recommended, Writing from the Inside Out, by Dennis Palumbo. As a former Hollywood screenwriter and current psychotherapist, Palumbo has […]
Posted in Depression, Getting Things Done, Until Death Do Us Part (and to the Death it will be), Rage Against The Pile on Oct 10th, 2006 8 Comments »
I’ve had a very. bad. week.
The Ya Ya Sisterhood movie comes to mind – the part where Sidda is young and her mom disappears for days on end, blacked out, and wakes up in a hotel room on the coast. This is how I felt yesterday. I felt like abandoning my children just to […]
Posted in Depression, Getting Things Done, Rage Against The Pile on Oct 3rd, 2006 9 Comments »
I’m tired.
Exhausted, actually. Mentally, and physically tired.
I have seven essays drafted on writing, things that I am processing as I push through the TALKING about writing so I may actually get to the business of DOING the writing. But my brain is so mushified that all I can bring […]
Posted in Depression, Family on Sep 18th, 2006 1 Comment »
I tried writing this weekend, but I just couldn’t make it happen. I stared for quite awhile at my empty computer screen, but nothing was coming to me. I even tried to think of something to write that I wouldn’t necessarily post on my blog, but still… nothing.
With Fall in the air I’ve entered […]
Posted in Depression, Learning, Rage Against The Pile on Jun 11th, 2006 3 Comments »
This was an interesting week: I think I’ve experienced every emotion that is humanly possible, and I think I did it all with great zeal and exaggeration.
Having transitioned from Zoloft to herbal supplements – which includes Omega 3, hydroxytriptophan, and a multi-vitamin rich in the B’s – I now have 13 pills I take throughout […]
Posted in Depression, Soundrack on Jun 3rd, 2006 No Comments »
Yesterday I took a long drive to an appointment and enjoyed an entire hour of listening to music in the car. I listened to a mix CD Bryan made, and it was the first opportunity I’d had to really listen to the words. I found myself gravitating toward four specific songs, and skipped […]
Posted in Depression, Rage Against The Pile on May 6th, 2006 3 Comments »
This line from my favorite Mountain Goats song (called ‘This Year’) has become my mantra. I play it in the car as loud as the kids can stand it, and I sing along with the band’s signature melodic shouting as I drive around running errands. The very nature of their music releases tension.
I’m […]